“The more competent and skilled you are in what you do; the more confident you become.”

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Some insights and inspiration gained from this must-read book:

1: Analyse and Improve

We are often faced with unnecessary fear or anxiety. We often ask ourselves what if I do this and it fails, what will people think of me? Will they ridicule me or mock me? Darius writes, If we would only say to ourselves: “This situation makes me feel anxious.” However, we make things even worse than they are by running and hiding from our fears, which causes even more anxiety. Our imagination goes wild, and before we know it, a small problem is turned into a mountain that we cannot climb.

Larry King once said that in his early career as a talk show host and a journalist, he feared whether people would even listen to him at all and what did he even have to say on the radio, although, he had a burning desire to be on the radio that fears nearly cost him. He had to confront his fear and do away with any misjudgments that people would have to say about him. We always need to analyse situations and not abandon them, and that will help us improve our lives and progress.

2: Build Confidence with Competence

People always misconstrue confidence with arrogance. This has made people always not speak their minds due to fear of how they would be seen or other people’s reactions. A lot of people have missed so many opportunities because of their low self-confidence. Darius says that creating confidence is the first step in taking action. You build confidence by learning new skills and competencies. You will notice your self-confidence rising once you master new skills. People are also not self-confident because they have not mastered a skill enough to lead people or to speak. Darius proposes five steps for improving your self-confidence:

a. Improve your competencies

b. Put them into practice

c. See the results

d. Grow more confident

d. Repeat

The more competent and skilled you are in what you do; the more confident you become. In 2023, focus on a skill you need to master or improve and work towards it. Do away with everything that will distract you from achieving what you will set for yourself. You would see the results.

It means this: Studying sales and marketing is competence. But using your sales and marketing competence to lead a company is self-confidence plus competence.

3: You are who you spend your Time with

It is often said to show me your friend and I will show you your character. And this is often true because you might be a reflection of the friends you spend most of your time with. I was talking to a lady friend one time, and she told me that if you want to know the character of a lady; you just have to know the friends she hangs around with. Her character will just be like her friends. Thus, human beings are social animals, and people have a massive impact on us.

Darius makes a distinction between a pessimist and an optimist. When confronted with problems, pessimists will also focus on why the problem occurred instead of concentrating on the solution. Asking yourself, “why did this happen to me?” will not help you. A pessimist will always find a reason why something went wrong.

Optimists, on the other hand, will encourage you. If you went to an optimist with an idea or a problem, they would encourage you to chase that idea or to find a solution to that problem.

In 2023, you, therefore, need people who can challenge you and inspire you to be your best, and not those who will have unfavourable competition with you.

4: Practice Presence with Happiness

Darius says that happiness is a skill. Mastering that skill starts with managing your thoughts. The more we dwell on what happened to us in the past, it’s like a cinema that plays old movies over and over again. The past is history; the present is a gift, and the future is a mystery.

Focusing more on the positive side of things makes you worry less about the bad situations in your life. We can’t control so many things in our lives. For example, when you lose a loved one, think of all the fun and memorable thoughts you had with that person instead of worrying that you can’t meet him or her again. As the Bible said in Matthew 6:27, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

Darius advises us that “when we commit to a positive mindset, we empower ourselves, which eliminates fear, stress, and anxiety from our lives.”

One of the skills you need to have in your toolbox this year is to practice the skill of happiness.

5: Finding Your Purpose

One thing that struck me about this is that purpose is a decision. Nobody is going to decide your purpose for you. You need to decide. To know your purpose, you have to answer the question: What’s your life about? And then you would have your purpose.

In an interview, Will Smith said, “Just decide what it’s going to be, who you’re going to be, how you’re going to do it.” Breaking these into chunks will help you identify your purpose.

Others haven’t found their purpose yet. Keep searching for it. There is a saying, “if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.” But I would put it differently, if you find your purpose, you’ll never have to work till burnout.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky simply puts it, “The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”

If you lack inspiration, and can’t answer that question — What’s your life about? You need more input. You can’t expect to get output (purpose) without input.

Here are two ways to stimulate input:

1. Expose yourself to different things. Read about stuff you’ve never considered. Travel. Hang out with different people. The more you broaden your mind, the more information you get. New ideas are a blend of existing different ideas that you’re exposed to.

2. Manage stress and anxiety. Chronic stress and anxiety prevent your mind from thinking clearly, focused, and in a relaxed way. Those are key ingredients for getting new insights. So before you think about finding your passion, deal with stress and anxiety first if you’re having a lot of it.”

Key Takeaway:

You are the best person to decide how you want your life to be. In other words, you must stand by any actions you take. Before you take any step, examine whether it will improve your life’s purpose, whether you are enthusiastic about it or whether it will lead you to your destination in 2023. As Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living”.

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